Why I love girls, why I’m backing off on Tinder, and my first Progress post all in one.

I’ve been putting a lot of pressure on myself to use Tinder lately for the following reasons:

  1. It’ll make this blog more entertaining. We’ve all seen “Tinder Nightmares”(they even got a book deal) and know how hilarious (and misogynistic), Tinder can be, and I’ve always felt that screen caps from Tinder would give the blog an easier-to-relate-to, easier-to-read format.
  2. It’s probably the best outlet I have for meeting new people right now.
  3. This super cute guy that I work with met his girlfriend on Tinder and now I, myself, am giving it some credit because if this girl can score a brilliant babe like (censored) on it then possibly, COULD I??

Now the reasons why I haven’t been doing so hot with the ol’ Tinder (excluding reasons mentioned in my latest post Swipe-xiety):

  1. I get this icky feeling inside talking to guys over the internet. It’s possible this is a psychological thing. I am not an overtly feminine person, but I have very few male friends. I have one male friend. I can’t help it, I just don’t talk to a lot of men on the daily! It’s not that I don’t trust men, it’s just that I feel so much more comfortable around women in my daily life. My thought process usually is as follows:

Me: *Sees an ordinary girl on the skytrain*: Look at her. She’s got such a cute outfit on! Where did she buy that jacket? I wonder what she’s listening to? She seems super cool and put together! I hope she has a really nice day!

*Sees an ordinary guy on the skytrain*: …………………..Nikes………………….Oh that girl over there has a really cute outfit!

You see the problem? I simply don’t care.

However the opposite comes if I see a really cute guy on the train:

Me: Lookatthatguyhe’sadorablewhatishereadingwhereishegoingdoeshehaveagirlfriendISHEGETTINGOFFATTHISSTOPohnofalsealarmhewasjuststreachingIwonderhowoldheisandwhathisfavouritemoviesareandifhehasadog…..

Even I don’t know what’s going on inside my head. I struggle to get myself to approach these guy because I’m still working on my confident and because of the NightmareSkytrainMan2015, which is a story that deserves a post all on it’s own. Regardless, the skytrain: not always the best place to meet people.

Not to sound completely horrible here but I think the reason I’ve struggled so much with having guy friends is that if I meet a guy I get along with enough I usually fall in love with him and ruin everything. I’m just more open around girls. I trust girls. A girl isn’t gonna date and make out with me for four months and then insist we’re just friends. She’s not gonna refuse to talk to me about what’s bothering her because she’s never learned to to talk about her emotions. She’s not gonna leave the toilet seat up.

I love my girlfriends- I relate to them, and they support me. Female friendships get a bad rep for being “dramatic” in a stereotypical sense, but the drama I’ve had with my girlfriends has luckily been kept to a minimum. My one guy friend, Lucas, is only the exception to this rule because despite being interesting, well travelled and conventionally attractive he is also sort of a horrible person and while I fully enjoy having him as a friend I could never date him knowing how he’s dealt with certain relationships in the past. So that’s a slight cheat to the problem.

I just feel way more comfortable dating people I’ve already met IRL. That way I already have my intuition to guide me on deciding whether or not this person is actually funny and interesting or if they just want to lure me back to their crusty basement apartment and get stoned. All of this ads up to a lot of mostly-unwarranted anxiety about using Tinder at all which leads me to reason number two of why I haven’t been doin’ so hot on the ol’ Tinder:

2. It makes me nervous and I’m lazy.

Another aspect of not knowing these guys in person is that I don’t feel all that inclined to talk to them. If I knew them in person not only would it put me under more pressure to reply to messages (I might run into them on the street! They could tell supposed mutual friends I’m ignoring them!), but it would also make me want to more. 

The lesson I learned this past week is that just because you make a blog post saying you’re going to start doing something, doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to start doing it. For example, I was talking to my friend Alex the other day about how she lost all this weight by cutting gluten and dairy out of her diet (hellooooo Vancouver) and I said, “Y’know what? I’m gonna do that! I could lose some weight!” Cut to me waking up the next day and remembering how expensive and disgusting gluten-free bread is and how much I love cream cheese. Crisis averted. Next!

What I mean is that you shouldn’t force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, because it’ll make you miserable. You’ll get nervous and dread doing things you should look forward to, and find yourself crying over dairy free cream cheese. I want this blog to be about my dating life but to be completely honest my dating life is pretty mellow right now. I’m back in school and I’m still working full time, not to mention commuting almost three hours a day plus planning on moving out, plus I just started a new sport. Dating and welcoming new people into my life might be hard to squeeze in.

So I’ve decided to give myself a break on the Tinder regime. I’ll go back on again from time to time but it’s not going to be the only format on this blog. You might be reading some more personal stuff, stories about past dates and relationships as well as hopefully future ones. It’s already making me more eager to post more than once a week. And who knows, hopefully I’ll find a few matches in the real world as well as the online one for once as well.

Single and ready to sort of mingle…

As most people living in Vancouver know, we don’t exactly have the best reputation for dating. Vancouverites have the sterotype of being distant, anti social and cliquish. It’s pretty easy to point out a person on the street and put them into a classic city stereotype: Yaletown yuppies, Commercial Drive hippies and Kitsilano beach bums just to name a few. It’s easy to spot a Vancouver Art Student from a mile away- just look for the long black coat, Doc Martens or Blundstones, and the signature Fjallraven backpack. In a city of people so synced to fit in, it’s hard to get outside of your comfort zone. It’s hard to get out there when everyone around is always moving. Head down. Headphones in. Black umbrellas everywhere.

But not anymore.

Despite being cliche I’m a pretty big fan of the whole “new year new me” mantra and 2017 is no exception. This year I’ve vowed to finally put myself out there. I’ve been single for almost seven months and I’m ready to move forward. Never in my romantic history have I “dated casually”. That is, dating without the searing end goal of a long-term relationship. I’ve never really dated around or “just had fun” either, for a myriad of reasons which I’ll go into in a later post. But hey, things are different now. I’m twenty one, back in school and relatively employed. I’m outspoken and ready to crush that crippling anxiety I get in my gut every time a guy asks me to “hang out” (more on that later as well). I’m ready to re-download all those horrible apps and actually swipe right for once.

The purpose of this blog isn’t necessarily a relationship(although that would be nice), but a chance to see what it’s like on the other side and to give more people a chance. I’ll be documenting my experiences with recaps, screenshots and maybe the occasional vlog. Hopefully if not resulting in romantic prospects it’ll at least give us all a good laugh.